CC's Pieces

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

A = Address Issues Respectfully {What Am I Saying “I Do” to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series}

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

You’re boiling mad at him. You feel a furnace in your chest ready to detonate with anger, and deep down inside, you can’t wait to go smooooooth off on him. Yes, you know the “Christian thing to do”, but you allow your emotions to erode your better judgement. ...As your conscious embraces the justification for your wrath…as you zone in on your prey, prepared to do some tongue-taming…you pierce your fork right through his unwelcomed offense, and discharge your venom…

Starting in this new year, 2016, we sisters are going to do our part in communicating with our husband the way God instructs us to in Proverbs 15:1. Declare today:

I’m going to put my emotions and feelings in the backseat and regain control of how I respond to my husband.

I’m going to grant the same amount of grace to my husband as I would want granted to me when I make mistakes.

I’m going to learn how to express my desires and concerns calmly and respectfully towards him.

When I’m wrong, I’m going to humble myself and apologize to my husband. Even when I’m not wrong, I’m going to run towards reconciliation, even if that means I have to apologize first.

When I look at him, I’m going to remember the love that I had for him in my youth and pour out that same love out on him today.

Dear God, I’m asking that you will elevate me above my emotions, above my feelings, above my past hurts, above my fears and worries, above my self-righteous thinking and place me beside my husband as his helpmate, his encourager, his confidant, his soft place to land. Amen.

God never intended for marriage to be full of discord and unhappiness. You have to believe in it and work at developing a harmonious and enjoyable life with your spouse. It does not mean that you will always agree on everything. That comes with any relationship where there are two individuals. But God gives us the wisdom to choose how we’re going to handle difficult situations. Today, I encourage you to sit down with your husband and agree to address issues respectfully with one another going forward.

Put it Into Action:
1. Try our “Out of Love” communication starter, http://tinyurl.com/outofloveccspieces. After almost 9 years of marriage to my best friend, it still works.
2. Choose. Your. Attitude. You do have a choice! Believe the best in your spouse.
3. Don’t take everything so seriously. Learn to let some things go.
4. Seek wise counseling together. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.

So, the next time you're engaged in a disagreement with your husband, choose to approach it differently, respectfully. You may be surprised to see how he responds to it...

“Communication is key, but how you communicate will motivate him to stay or flee.” – CC

What Am I Saying “I Do” to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series
A = Address Issues Respectfully#CCsPieces
#DivorceisNOTanoption
#BlackMarriageMatters
#KeepFightingForLove

{PLEASE SHARE!}
Website: www.ccspieces.blogspot.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc
Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces

Friday, September 11, 2015

I = Intimacy ("Into Me See") {What am I saying "I do" to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series}

“So do not deprive each other of sexual relations. The only exception to this rule would be the agreement of both husband and wife to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time, so they can give themselves more completely to prayer.” -- 1 Corinthians 7:5

Sex is one of those topics that everyone wants to talk about—I think it’s fair to say that our society is a liiiiiiiiitttle overly consume...d with it! But for some married couples, this topic has become taboo and is met with an *eye roll* when brought up. Why? There are several reasons why marriages fall short in this area. Some women lose their desire to be intimate with their husbands due to the heavy demand of raising children, some wives feel underappreciated/undesirable, and others view sex as a chore or as a non-necessity. But what many forget is that sex is much more than just a routine inconvenience. God created sex between husband and wife for enjoyment, so treating sex like a chore is like treating shoe shopping like a chore—it just doesn’t make sense!

Though sex and intimacy are two different things, the former bringing physical enjoyment of intercourse and the latter bringing a deeper emotional connection with your spouse (intimacy = “into me see”), both play a major part in a healthy, balanced marriage. Most people only understand the importance of sex on a surface level. So let’s take a moment to understand how our sexual intimacy impacts our marriage physically, emotionally and spiritually. Here's how www.focusonthefamily.com breaks down each area:

Sex is a Physical Need

1. The biggest difference between husbands and wives is that husbands view sex as a legitimate physical need. Just as your body tells you when you're hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband's body tells him when he needs a sexual release.

2. A woman's sexual desire is more connected to emotions than her husband's sex drive is. Men are able to separate sex from a relationship while for a woman, the two are usually intertwined.

3. Sex is not just a physical need for men. A man's sexuality has a large impact on his emotional, marital, and spiritual well-being.

Sex is an Emotional Need

1. A man's ability to please his wife is vital to his confidence as a man. The impact affects almost every other area of his life.

2. You cannot compartmentalize your husband's sexuality and love him as a husband, but reject him sexually.

3. When we say, "Not tonight," men really hear, "I'm not interested in you." Having his wife just go through the motions isn't enough. A husband longs to know that he is pleasing his wife and that she is sexually interested in him.

Sex is a Spiritual Need

1. Most men face a lifelong struggle to control their sexuality. Ultimately, it is a struggle over integrity, right and wrong, uprightness and wholeness.

2. He likely battles daily to stay pure. His walk with the Lord and his integrity are largely determined by how he handles sexual temptations and impulses.

3. Your husband depends on you to be his partner in his battle against sexual temptation. You're the only woman in the world whom your husband can look at sexually without compromising his integrity!

Sex is a Relational Need

1. Oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone", is present in both men and women and it causes people to feel bonded to each other and experience relationships as emotionally gratifying and positive. Women have more oxytocin, which is why we are more likely than men to seek emotional intimacy in our relationships.

2. Your husband is biologically wired to bond with you after sex. He literally feels emotionally closer to you after orgasm. You may notice that he's more attentive (perhaps after a brief nap), more affectionate, and more appreciative.

3. Sex is perhaps the most powerful force bonding a man emotionally and relationally to his wife. The lack of regular sex creates a barrier to emotional connectedness and intimacy for men.

As we all know, women are hardwired a lot differently than men. Our needs are not always the same as his needs, and it’s okay! If your marriage is off-course in this area, sit down with your spouse and talk about how to get it back on track.

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

1. Understand that both sex and intimacy are equally vital in a healthy marriage. It’s about meeting each other’s needs.

2. Understand yours and your spouse’s “love language”. Take The 5 Love Languages test with your spouse. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

3. Pray about it together and be open about your concerns. If our God created sex, surely he has the answers! Seek wise counseling if you need a mediator.

4. Be patient with your spouse. It takes time for your spouse to grow/change.

5. Show praise and appreciation when your spouse makes an effort to meet your needs.

6. Set realistic expectations based upon your desires as a couple! Don’t go into marriage thinking that only happy couples have sex every day or even the old-worn-out-non-factual based “2-3 times a week”. Only you and your spouse get to define how frequently you should engage in having sex, and whether it’s 1 time per month, or 10 times per week, as long as the two of you are happy, that’s all that matters. This article is a must read if you’re overly consumed with how often you and your spouse should get it on: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/married-sex_n_5596185.html

What Am I Saying “I Do” to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E Series

I = Intimacy = “Into Me See”

#CCsPieces
#DivorceisNOTanoption
#BlackMarriageMatters

{PLEASE SHARE!}

Website: www.ccpieces.blogspot.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc
Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN3qpJ1g5mJp3AfOa7aw_gQ

“Understanding Your Husband’s Sexual Needs” http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex-and-intimacy/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs

“This Is How Often Married People Are Having Sex” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/married-sex_n_5596185.html

“The 5 Love Languages”
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/couples/

HELLO FEAR ---> NO MORE FEAR...presented by KaronCouture.

“It’s not about being fearless. It’s about acting in spite of fear.” – Veronica Roth

{2010}: I’m not sure if I should go natural. What will my boss think? HELLO FEAR.
{2012}: There’s no way I’m entering this modeling competition. There are women far better-looking than me. HELLO FEAR. ...
{2013}: There’s no use in getting a personal trainer. I’ve tried everything and still haven’t lost the weight. HELLO FEAR.
{2014}: I don’t know about starting my own blog and telling my personal stories—what will people think about me? HELLO FEAR.
{2015}: I don’t know about this dance competition. I’ve only been dancing for a year, and everyone else has been dancing much longer than me. HELLOFEAR.

I went natural. My boss loved the new look. NO MORE FEAR. (Thank you Ms. Mary) I entered the modeling competition. And won it. NO MORE FEAR. (Thank you Karen) I got a personal trainer. And lost the 30 pounds. NO MORE FEAR. (Thank you Nkechi) I started my blog. And my readers have embraced me and my experiences. NO MORE FEAR. (Thank you Tristen) I entered the dance competition. And won first place. (Thank you Jay) NOMOREFEAR.

I am not the same CC that I was five years ago. I wasn’t fit, I wasn’t a dancer, and I certainly wasn’t a model. But I was CC Sutton, and for the most part, I was comfortable and confident with who I was. But I had no idea that God was getting ready to give me a complete makeover from the inside out. Late 2012, I started dabbling in modeling after winning a natural hair competition. But soon, I started wrestling with the negative thoughts of being labeled as a “model”. I didn’t want others to see me as superficial and one-dimensional. I also struggled a little bit with where I fit in the modeling world. I wasn’t skinny enough to be considered a traditional model, and I didn’t have enough curves to be considered a plus sized model. So it left me feeling a little out of place. But after seeking God for a clear understanding of what He wanted me to do with this gift, He gave me the vision that He didn’t want me to be defined by society’s standards as a model. He wanted me to use modeling as a platform to encourage, inspire and advocate for other women. And that’s when Advocate Model birthed.

You and I share the same story. Maybe you’re a wife and/or a mother who has lost your identity. You honestly don’t know who you are outside of those two roles. You want to get back to you, but you’re afraid. Or maybe you’re a single woman and you’re fearful of moving forward in what God has called you to do because you’re consumed with trying to get married. Whatever your fear is, it’s not insurmountable. When I’m faced with fear, I keep in mind:

1. Accept that God already has a blueprint for your life, and if he places a vision into your spirit, He has already equipped you with the tools you need. He thinks your “biological time clock” is cute, but it has nothing to do with His timing. 'For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord." #Jeremiah2911
2. Be slow to say "no". Keep an open mind and try something new.
3. Surround yourself with people who will encourage and push you past your fears. You’re going to need them. 'Iron sharpens iron." #Proverbs2717
4. Be 100% committed to whatever you pursue. Greatness requires WORK. Don’t be afraid of it. Keep the end goal in mind.
5. Take the time to invest in others’ dreams and help them overcome their fears. "Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." #Phillippians24
No more fear. Live out loud. “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” #Philippians413

Follow us on Facebook: CC Sutton - CC's Pieces
Blog page: www.ccspieces.blogspot.com
Model: CC Sutton – Advocate Model for KaronCouture.
Photographer: Roderick Lightfoot of RL Studio
MUA: Shatara Davis of Makeup By Shatara
Hair/Wardrobe Styling: Karon L. Washington of KaronCouture
Accessories: Joyce Outlaw-Williams with JMarie Designs

#NoMoreFear#Romans815
#CCsPieces
#Advocate Model#KaronCouture
#BlackMarriageMatters
#KeepFightingforLove See More

Friday, June 12, 2015

R= Responding in Love {What am I saying "I do" to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series}

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. --1 Corinthians 13:7
He’s going to disappoint you. You’re going to disappoint him. There. Now what? To go into a serious relationship thinking that true love means that you won’t have disagreements is not being realistic. And becoming passive-aggressive to avoid conflict isn’t going to resolve the issue either— it just leads to resentment. So now we have to learn how to speak truth in love to one another.

{MY LESSON LEARNED}
Time surely does bring about a change. When I think back to year 1 and how I used to handle disagreements with Tristen…*WHEW*! I would allow my emotions to fly all over the place! But deep down inside, I didn’t like that feeling of allowing my emotions to control me. Then one day, it dawned on me: Tristen doesn’t mean any harm by me, and I don’t mean any harm by him. We’re both playing for the same team.

When it comes to speaking truth out of love, timing is everything. One day, I was bothered by something that Tristen did, but I knew he didn’t realize it. We were having such a great morning that I knew if I brought it up right then, it would ruin the rest of the day. So I waited until the next day to address it and I realized that had I tried to address it the day before, it would have come across completely differently, out of my emotions rather than out of love and respect. Because I chose to communicate with him out of love (yes, you have to CHOOSE your attitude!), he received what I had to say and we were able to move forward without the unnecessary arguing.

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
Statistics show that communication plays a significant part in our high divorce rate. If we can get this part right, it will clear up a lot of the other areas that we struggle in— raising children, finances, handling in-laws, intimacy, and infidelity to name a few. The key to remember is that it’s not about what we say to our husbands, but HOW we say it. Men are programmed to respond to respect, and if that important element is missing, then the conversation is futile. Wives, here are some things that I keep in mind that may help you in this area:

1. We are on the same team. Get clarity, not revenge.

2. Seek to understand then to be understood.

http://www.ccspieces.blogspot.com/2015/01/ugh-he-just-doesnt-understand-me.html

3. Communicate your feelings not your tead of “You made me feel like”, “You never do this” and “You always do that”.

4. Don't take everything personal. Watch your tone.
5. #Timing_is_everything. Initiating a heart to heart during the Texans football game-- not a good idea. Make sure that he is in a posture to be able to listen and communicate with you. To prepare him for a tough conversation, try the “Out of Love” approach that we discussed in previous CC’s Pieces http://www.ccspieces.blogspot.com/2015/01/start-tough-conversations-with-out-of.html .

As always, ask God to help you make a permanent, positive change in this area. Try implementing a few of these in your conversations and watch your mate not only start to respond in love, but he will likely start using some of your methods too!
What Am I Saying “I Do To”? R = Responding in Love

#CCsPieces
#DivorceisNOTanoption
#BlackMarriageMatters

{PLEASE SHARE!}

Website: www.ccspieces.blogspot.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc
Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN3qpJ1g5mJp3AfOa7aw_gQ

R= Remaining Consistent {What am I saying "I do" to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series}

“She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” –Proverbs 31:12

Consistency. How do you measure up in this area? Can your spouse count on you to do what you say you’re going to do? Proverbs 31:12 says that a virtuous woman brings her husband good ALL the days of her life, not just only when she’s in a good mood or only when her husband is acting right. Being consistent can be a challe...nge at times with so many variables competing for our time, attention and emotions. But in dating and in marriage, consistency is vital.

{MY LESSON LEARNED}

For me, consistency was a large factor in why I married Tristen. “I’m going to call you when I get off work.” He always called. “I’ll be there for your function.” He always showed. It’s easy for people to do kind things for one another during the first few months of dating, but the true test is time. As the days turn into months and the months roll on into years, some people start to slack off and take their mate for granted. If you’re currently dating, now is the best time for you and your beau to start learning how to be consistent.
Don’t wait until you’ve exchanged vows to start putting this good habit to work because it will be harder then. If you say you’re going to do something, follow thru. If you’re currently buying roses for her every day, you better make sure you set up a budget to continue because she will expect the same treatment even after the “I do’s”!

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

If you’re the one who struggles with consistency and frequently find yourself backing out of commitments, work on it. This used to be a challenge for me because I would find myself overcommitting my time. I wanted to do it all! But we can’t, and God doesn’t expect us to either. Here are a few things I did to help in this area:

1.       Don't commit right away. When someone asks you to do something, get as much detail as you can upfront about the commitment. The day, time, duration, and any other significant details that will help you make a final decision. Then simply say, “Okay, sounds great. Let me check on what I have planned that day and get back to you.” And then be sure to follow-up with an answer.

2.       Give a gracious no. Just because you say “no”, it doesn’t make you a mean person. It makes you a balanced person and people respect you more when you say “no” rather than commit to something and then back out. The Bible says let your “yes” be yes and your “no” be no. (Matthew 5:37)

3.       Stop feeling bad! Romans 8:1 tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So this means that we can’t allow others to make us feel bad when we don’t commit to doing what they want.

Just like you need consistency, your spouse is counting on you to be mentally stable, dependable and present in the relationship. Inconsistency leads to unnecessary anxiety, fear and confrontation. Create a safe place for your spouse by offering consistency every day.

M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series- What Am I Saying “I Do To”? R = Remaining Consistent#CCsPieces
#DivorceisNOTanoption
#BlackMarriageMatters

{PLEASE SHARE!}
Web: www.ccspieces.blogspot.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc
Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN3qpJ1g5mJp3AfOa7aw_gQ

Monday, June 8, 2015

M= Making Sacrifices {What am I saying "I do" to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. Series}

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." –Philippians 2:3-4

So what is marriage really all about? CC’s Pieces is starting a new series entitled “What am I saying “I do” to?” and over the next few weeks, we’re going to closely examine what is really involved in M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E. As we break down each acronym, starting with the letter “M”, you’re going to get a very transparent look at what this marriage thing is all about that Empire, Real Housewives of Atlanta nor Scandal are telling you. Marriage is truly a gift and from my point of view, fun and rewarding. But having a rewarding marriage takes work…and making sacrifices. What kind of sacrifices?

• Your very own body. It now belongs to you AND your husband.
• How you spend your time.
• Your spending habits.
• Your living arrangement/your space.
• You may be required to cook more.
• The way you dress or wear your hair. (Yes, your husband’s opinion matters!)
…and the list goes on.

{MY LESSON}
After Tristen Sutton and I got engaged, I went on a quest to get a true understanding of what marriage really was about. You see, so many of us get caught up in our own selfish desires that we really miss the true meaning of what we’re committing to. Marriage is about making sacrifices.

Perfect example: I’ve been wanting to put wood flooring upstairs in our home for a while now, and I had decided that I was going to get it done after receiving my bonus check. But Tristen, being the financially sound guy that he is, advised that though we have the money to do it now, we should wait until this economic lull passes. Now, some wives would have said, “This is my money, so I think I should be able to do what I want with it!” But I think it’s pretty obvious that this is the total opposite of sacrificing. Though I really, really, REALLY wanted to get the wood flooring done right then, I knew he was right and instead of getting into a big argument over it, I set aside my own desire for the sake of our marriage.

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}
Learning how to make sacrifices for your marriage is easier said than done for most of us, especially when by our very nature, we are selfish creatures. But if you desire to get married one day, consider this a BIG part of the package. I encourage you not to wait until you get married to learn how to start making sacrifices. Here are a few ways you can do so now:
1. Pray about it. I always start with this because I’ve found that I cannot change something on my own without God’s power.

2. Sacrificing = Discipline. Start with things like foregoing buying those $200 pair of shoes, and save it for a rainy day. Or donate the money towards a worthy cause that you support.

3. Take a 30 day challenge to do something kind for someone else every day. It can be something as simple as taking 3 minutes to call and check on someone you hadn’t spoken to in a while, or offering to help a co-worker who’s behind on their work.
4. Instead of you deciding on what weekend activity you and your significant other will get into, let him decide. And even if you really don’t want to do it, do it for him…and without complaining!

Marriage takes work. But it’s made a lot easier when both husband and wife are committed to making sacrifices for the betterment of their marriage.

“M” = Making Sacrifices
{PLEASE SHARE!}

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc
Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces
#CCsPieces #SayNotoDivorce #BlackMarriageMatters #BlackMarriageRocks #Marriageisaministry

A = Accepting & Appreciating Differences {What Am I Saying "I do" to? M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E Series}

“Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” -- Romans 15:7

In continuing on with our “What am I saying “I do” to?” series and breaking down the acronym, M.A.R.R.I.A.G.E., we are now at the letter “A”: Accepting & Appreciating him for who he is.

{MY LESSON LEARNED}

No matter how great the guy is you’re with, there will always be something you won’t like about him. And it’s okay. If you want to marry someone who thinks like you, acts like you and does things the exact same way you do, you’re better off staying single. Marriage is not about seeking perfection, but learning how to be perfect at accepting each other’s imperfections.

Tristen is a straight-shooter, but I am a diplomatic, let’s be friends, I don’t want to hurt your feelings nurturer. In the beginning of our marriage, I sometimes struggled with his straight-forward responses. I wanted him to analyze, discuss and debate things with me before coming to a final decision. To me, the more we discussed a matter, the more it showed he cared. But I had to learn that this isn’t who he is. He is a very decisive, to-the-point, no frills kind of guy. So instead of getting upset and trying to convince him to be someone he wasn’t, I learned to accept and appreciate that quality about him. In fact, I’m more appreciative of his decisive nature today because it saves us a lot of unnecessary wasted time going back and forth on things.

{PUT IT INTO ACTION}

One big mistake that a lot of women make is thinking that their mate will change after exchanging “I do’s”. Do not be fooled! What you see is what you get! If a man loves you, he will make changes to make you happy, but he will not change who he is to make you happy. So it is in everyone’s best interest for you to make sure you can accept the good, the bad and the ugly before committing. It’s also important that we not get so hung up on what we see as imperfections, but learn to look for the good and appreciate the fact that it could always be worse. Here are a few nuggets that can help you in this area:

1. Before saying “I do”, know what your deal breakers are. We all have our deal breakers. Understand what things you are willing to accept and things you will not be able to accept. But be reasonable!

2. Learn how to express your concerns out of love. Perhaps he’s not aware that his loud laugh annoys you. Have you kindly shared with him, “Honey, I enjoy seeing you happy. But your laugh can be a little loud sometimes, have you noticed?”

3. Be patient with him. We are all a work in progress and it takes time to change old habits. Once he acknowledges that he’s working on a particular area, give him space to do so, and understand that he may revert back to his old ways. Old habits are hard to break. Guide him back on the right path with gentle reminders.

At the end of the day, we all want to be loved, accepted and appreciated for who we are. Men are no different.

{PLEASE SHARE!}

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/PIECESOFCC?pnref=lhc

Instagram: http://instagram.com/suttonimpact_cc/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/cc_pieces

#CCsPieces #SayNotoDivorce #BlackMarriageMatters #BlackMarriageRocks #Marriageisaministry

Like Us